I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
