My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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