I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So vagazzling was a success
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
