Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
