You just made me feel so damn special
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he fucked my hip out of place.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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