Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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