he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
