Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
