I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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