Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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