I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
