i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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