He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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