It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
