The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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