idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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