So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
