Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
