I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
