I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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