Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
