bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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