We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hippo gnu deer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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