first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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