hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Brb crying the tears of my youth
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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