He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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