He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
