Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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