my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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