So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
