but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i now understand why vodka
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize