wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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