What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever