Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk

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  (832): just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk http://tfl.nu/fd5v
  Replies (8) Good night (2948) Bad night (589)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.

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  (601): He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal. http://tfl.nu/idbe
  Replies (12) Good night (749) Bad night (3578)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"

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  (505): We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!" http://tfl.nu/sk68
  Replies (10) Good night (4750) Bad night (1104)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.

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  (765): He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something. http://tfl.nu/5hhc
  Replies (16) Good night (4584) Bad night (1916)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's never allowed to turn 21 again

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  (702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4625) Bad night (863)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.

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  (267): Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams. http://tfl.nu/lmv8
  Replies (21) Good night (4507) Bad night (1155)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.

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  (248): We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment. http://tfl.nu/088o
  Replies (3) Good night (2662) Bad night (654)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

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  (214): It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils. http://tfl.nu/mamt
  Replies (5) Good night (1590) Bad night (729)
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  (415): View more from California

  so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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  (415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3507) Bad night (1006)
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  (+22): View more from

  Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.

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  (+22): Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes. http://tfl.nu/gtep
  Replies (8) Good night (537) Bad night (1698)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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  (402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em
  Replies (16) Good night (2364) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Drink for every country you've never heard of.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fuuuuuuuuuck

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  (815): Drink for every country you've never heard of. (630): Fuuuuuuuuuck http://tfl.nu/g5f9
  Replies (9) Good night (2626) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct

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  (207): my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct http://tfl.nu/asi5
  Replies (0) Good night (422) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.

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  (760): I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night. http://tfl.nu/o107
  Replies (4) Good night (496) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.

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  (203): If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that. http://tfl.nu/gaz3
  Replies (1) Good night (579) Bad night (208)

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