Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Have a good day. My vagina shrank.

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  (734): Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember. (734): Have a good day. My vagina shrank. http://tfl.nu/3o44
  Replies (7) Good night (725) Bad night (1880)
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  (44): View more from England

  What's everyones problem with my costume?!

  (1-44): View more from England

  It looks like a unicorn came on your face.

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  (44): What's everyones problem with my costume?! (1-44): It looks like a unicorn came on your face. http://tfl.nu/f20r
  Replies (26) Good night (977) Bad night (2587)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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  (678): I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job. http://tfl.nu/y0of
  Replies (13) Good night (1044) Bad night (3396)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.

  (406): View more from Montana

  IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.

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  (509): Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober. (406): IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out. http://tfl.nu/sia4
  Replies (10) Good night (1218) Bad night (4143)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.

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  (918): It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever. http://tfl.nu/0i0j
  Replies (31) Good night (998) Bad night (6007)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

  (315): View more from New York

  AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

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  (315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!! (315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/witt
  Replies (16) Good night (6157) Bad night (1584)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.

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  (970): Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking. http://tfl.nu/jhua
  Replies (4) Good night (916) Bad night (1908)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome

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  (317): The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome http://tfl.nu/7akx
  Replies (4) Good night (2251) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.

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  (413): If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night. http://tfl.nu/7nph
  Replies (6) Good night (2111) Bad night (1533)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good

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  (262): Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good http://tfl.nu/xfxr
  Replies (3) Good night (1259) Bad night (568)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.

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  (803): I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me. http://tfl.nu/5d5j
  Replies (3) Good night (2147) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.

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  (904): My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. http://tfl.nu/hpvl
  Replies (0) Good night (479) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store

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  (630): There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store http://tfl.nu/lq98
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border

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  (914): They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border http://tfl.nu/ra2t
  Replies (0) Good night (643) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.

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  (858): Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself. http://tfl.nu/wluz
  Replies (1) Good night (850) Bad night (296)

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