I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
