Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

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(302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course http://tfl.nu/mcvz

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

but fathers day is next sunday

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

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(781): i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day (617): but fathers day is next sunday (781): i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet http://tfl.nu/pxvx

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(425): View more from Washington

I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.

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(425): I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie. http://tfl.nu/58ia

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(503): View more from Oregon

Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?

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(503): Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem? http://tfl.nu/dk03

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(801): View more from Utah

the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome

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(801): the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome http://tfl.nu/ugx7

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(410): View more from Maryland

We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I hope you meant gum...

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(410): We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day. (1-410): I hope you meant gum... http://tfl.nu/fcg7

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(308): View more from Nebraska

You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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(308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1

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(519): View more from Ontario

Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.

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(519): Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey. http://tfl.nu/gckq

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(204): View more from Manitoba

You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.

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(204): You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times. http://tfl.nu/dj81

Replies (3) Good night (2009) Bad night (471)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there

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(215): i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there http://tfl.nu/r3g3

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(914): View more from New York

I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.

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(914): I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me. http://tfl.nu/p01s

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(420): View more from

It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.

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(420): It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own. http://tfl.nu/cuwi

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(415): View more from California

He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type

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(415): He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type http://tfl.nu/pqp7

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(779): View more from Illinois

He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.

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(779): He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud. http://tfl.nu/emwq

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha

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(228): Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha http://tfl.nu/vrbu

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