my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
