Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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