I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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