Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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