yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
