me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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