I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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