if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
