her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
