Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
