Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
