I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
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