We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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