every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
