Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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