apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
