Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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