On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
