I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
