After last night, I could never be a politician.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my being single is dangerous.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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