Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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