it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
