omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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