Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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