she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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