Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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