Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
