there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
