Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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