4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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