hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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