At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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