Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
