Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
