you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
