my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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