I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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