bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.