do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
