we have pet lesbian snakes
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
