nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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