I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
